abracadabra

i’m beginning to see my breath; on the window, in the air. metal has cooled and feels cold to the touch. leaves begin to drop in a silent homage to summer gone by. i’m ready for heavier coats and heavier hearts. which explains my current occupation with doubt; nervous ticks and sudden hopes. new season, new feelings. i want to be more creative and do the things that i always set out to do.. i want to sit down to something i want to do, not something i brought home from work with a deadline. i want a vacation. i want an extra day off. i don’t want to set my standards as high as others have set them for me. i want people to wonder where i am and wish they had the guts to say no every now and then. i want to pull the sheets up over my nose and feel OK with it, nobody waiting on me. and i wish days off weren’t a race to accomplish as much as we possibly can just because in another day we’ll be back to work. then again, i wish my body felt the same way as my brain and would just be ok with sitting for once. i feel cap-sized. overrated and overworked. i’ve been offered more, but do i want to do more along the same lines of what i’m already doing and in addition to? or do i want to climb the ladder so to speak and try something new? do i even have the choice to try something do? was that even in my job description? and i want dining room chairs so i can make dinner, and we can sit down and make small-talk and clink our forks against our plates. and then in between we can do a puzzle there and carve pumpkins there.. reshape friendships there, write letters and stories and novels there. what’s a home without a center?

anyhow. welcome to our streets, autumn. i look forward to crunching leaves on the way to the car every morning.